Delightfully Free Friendship
As a childfree woman, do you experience belonging and fulfillment in your relationships that fills you up?
In my early to mid-30s, as a newly minted childfree woman, life was a whole new world order for me! I was unmoored from everything I thought I knew. I wasn’t sure where I was headed or how. Still, a lot of exciting, new life experiences and relationships were happening. With all this change, I was growing in leaps and bounds.
Despite all of the great opportunities and fun I was having, parts of me were also feeling lost, lonely, and disconnected. I longed for deep bonds, belonging, familiar relationships, traditions, and inside jokes. A sense of community and hominess where I felt safe to show up fully as I am. To be a part of something special.
I wondered how I was going to cultivate all of this for myself when everyone seemed to be finding intimate relationships and belonging by building traditional families of their own.
While in graduate school, I briefly worked as a barista at the new coffee shop across the street. Thankfully, I stayed in school, because my barista skills were shit and not for a lack of trying! (Tip your baristas, please, it's not easy.)
One day, I delivered a poorly frothed cappuccino to the ultra-cool, in-house coffee roaster owner. Given she and her partner were responsible for the magic beans, I tried multiple times to make her cup excellent, but to no avail. As I sheepishly presented the drink, I attempted to distract her with dazzling charisma and a bright smile. To my relief and surprise, she struck up a conversation with me, distracting her from the saggy coffee.
And then, it happened…
A friendship of a lifetime was born.
One that ushered in a magical community of love, laughter, and belonging.
It’s one of those moments where there is a distinct before and after in your life. There you are, just slinging some coffee, trying to make ends meet, when the stars align in a serendipitous moment.
Without realizing it yet, your life is changed forever!
In the early days, where it all began by the coffee roaster.
That day, over some weak-ass cappuccino foam and witty banter, a beautiful human looked up at me and asked if I’d like to be friends. Just like we did when we were kids. It was brilliant!
Side note: it’s just so brave to ask someone if they want to be friends. Can we all do more of this?
What began from this moment was the creation of a community that shared neighborhood hangs, dinner parties, beach days, getaways, holidays, life celebrations, life losses, support, and millions of texts, phone calls, pictures, tears, belly laughs, and most of all, SO MUCH LOVE.
This fabulous era of my life, which continues today, emerged from embarking on my own Delightfully Free Journey.
I grew up imagining that family for me would be a partner, kids, and visits with our extended family. When that didn’t pan out, I still craved to cultivate family and spaces for all my mama bear energy to find a meaningful, secure home.
This friendship launched me into the magic of chosen family and belonging that has far exceeded my wildest hopes and dreams.
I have relished stepping into the role of friend, sister, auntie, mama, wise woman, guide, leader, tradition holder, mediator, party creator, tear drier, witness, champion, cheerleader, caregiver, mirror, holder of hands and truths. I have received this all in return, and more than can be expressed in words.
My friendships and the experiences we share give space for my parts of self to belong, be seen, integrate, and emerge. I would not be who I am today without them. I would not be here today writing to you.
The freedom my childfree life gives me to invest wholeheartedly in the relationships that cultivate my chosen family is not the path I initially intended.
It is the journey I needed most.
My childfree life creates opportunities for me to show up in spaces, for opportunities, and build relationships I would not be available for if I were parenting.
As the years unfold and the bonds with my friends deepen and evolve, I appreciate my childfree life with more gratitude all the time.
A sense of family and belonging is essential to quality of life. I’m here to affirm that this is entirely and ecstatically available to you along the Delightfully Free Journey.
As a childfree woman, do you experience belonging and fulfillment in your circle of friends and family?
Or, is there room to dream of changes or additions that will light your life up?
Here are some mindfulness questions to sit with or journal on:
What do you see when you dream of your ideal friends, community, or chosen family?
What do you hear?
What do you smell?
Where are you?
Who is there with you?
What are you doing?
What emotions are you feeling?
What does it feel like in your body?
Would you like a space to connect with other childfree women on the Delightfully Free Journey?
Connect with me here if you’d like to learn more.
