Living as a Awkward Outsider: A Childfree Woman’s Journey
Last year, I was scrolling the comments of a piece written by a childfree woman when one comment stopped me in my tracks. She was discouraged that so many of the gatherings and retreats in her area were exclusively for moms. As a childfree woman by circumstance (meaning, not by choice) she shared how painful this was for her. She felt excluded from a club she desperately wanted to be a part of, and even worse she was finding it difficult to cultivate intentional community.
I remember this feeling so well.
I moved a lot in my 20s and early 30s. Most of my peers were having and raising children during this time, while I was experiencing infertility. I never had trouble building wonderful friendships during this time, but it did require me to consistently be in spaces that were primarily focused on kids and parenting. I adapted and enjoyed myself, but I also often felt like an awkward outsider in a culture I could celebrate, but never belong.
For my mom friends…
→There were play dates, kids' birthday parties and hang outs at the playground or during pick-up at school
→There were baby boot camps, stroller walks, kid’s museum outings, and children's library time
→There were babysitting co-ops, sports practices, dance performances and after-school activities where my friends were often gathering and building bonds with one another
The spaces for parents to gather with their kids or each other seemed endless and easily accessible. And, many of these spaces I simply did not belong.
It’s not that I was being intentionally left out, it’s just that these spaces weren’t intended for childfree adults, and my parenting friends often assumed I wouldn’t want to go.
To be sure, I wasn’t interested in going to ‘tiny tots tumble’, finger puppet time, or whatever kids-focused activity they were doing, but I was keenly aware that I was missing out on valuable bonding and belonging with friends I loved and adored.
I had to work hard to find spaces where I could build community and belong. I also had to learn to acculturate to parenting culture if I didn’t want to be completely left out.
I’m glad I did because some of my cherished and most beloved friends and relations are parents and their children.
But…
I really, really, really could’ve used some spaces where being childfree was the norm.
The woman’s comment in this article was a galvanizing moment for me. It inspired me to create spaces for childfree women to gather and connect…the type of spaces I needed, but never found.
In 9 days, this inspiration is coming into reality with my very first Delightfully Free offering:
If you are a childfree woman craving space to slow down and connect intentionally with the natural seasonality of life with other insightful and supportive women, I invite you to join me next Friday, September 22 for a beautiful day of reflection, connection, and setting of intentions.
And, to my small but mighty community, I thank you for your support and encouragement to bring this offering and Delightfully Free to life! I am full of gratitude for each of you.
If there is anyone in your circle that you feel would benefit and enjoy sharing the Fall Equinox with other kind, loving, intuitive, fun childfree women, please be sure to send them to this page for more information on the event.
With love,
Annie
