Why do you want that dream?

I’ve had some dreams in my life that I wanted more than I could possibly express.

I’ve desired them in ways that felt like I would shrivel up and cease to exist if they did not come true.

I’ve wanted them in ways that compelled me down paths that my Knowing voice and body tried to warn me off, but I never stopped to really listen. Nothing stopped me until that path ended, often painfully, and with a shock that the sheer will of my dreaming and believing could not make it so. 

CRITIAL QUESTIONS I OFTEN IGNORED:

• Why do I want this dream? 

• Why might this dream not be right for me, now or ever? 

• What possibilities will I inherently say no to when I say yes to this one? 

Imagining the magical potential, all the juicy possibilities. 

For so long, I was consumed by possibility and potential; I could see it in anything and anyone. 

I love this aspect of myself, but without considering why or why not, it’s a quality that can lead to pain, discomfort, overwhelm, and many dark nights of the soul. 

Not asking why can lead to a life consumed with surviving the fallout from the latest path full of possibilities taken. When that happens, we have no space to explore and learn our authentic, soulful whys and wondrous dreams they can guide us to. 

Don’t get me wrong, I give myself profound grace for every possibility I saw and set forth to realize, with a combination of wistful and survivalist whys justifying my way. I’m proud of the many courageous steps I took to explore potential in life. However, I learned this wasn’t a sustainable strategy and needed a more evolved approach. 

My Possibility Part knows how to show me a good time (or, at least, the potential of one). But, she’s usually off in LaLa Land, with her phone notifications off, when I have found myself lost, alone in some dark corner of life, a wreck of painful emotions and life learning to be sorted.

My Pragmatic Part and I got an early rough start. Its questioning voice resembled the limitations I experienced as a child that blunted my joyful, authentic curiosity and desire to connect and try new things. In response, I began to ignore this part when it spoke up because I was working hard to cultivate the potential and possibility I craved. 

For the first few decades of my life, I let my Possibility Part take the wheel most of the time, often with little consideration for anything my Pragmatic Part had to say about it. And what a ride it has been! I’ve worn many hats, many of which I found were not my own. 

Around age 30, swimming in the abyss of a dark night of the soul, I realized I had been living my life by scripts others wrote. My Pragmatic Part awaited me with the most essential question: why? 

Engaging with this part and its pressing question, why, has profoundly changed my dreams and life. 

Why did I want that life, that marriage, that baby, that house, that degree?

Oof! The answers that came, well, they were familiar, but they weren’t all mine. 

I wanted love and belonging. We all do. But, the dream I was living was one I had frankensteined together from every way I had learned I could maybe, just maybe, be enough and not too much, all in some harmonious balance that would keep me safe and accepted. Or, at the very least, acceptable.  

I had hobbled together a dream that I perceived was THE DREAM, or what others had dreamed for me, with little bits of me sprinkled around like abandoned toys. 

My Pragmatic Part patiently continued to ask, why?

It hurt like hell to answer for a long time. 

My Possibility Part told me there was another type of fantasy to replace the old one that was slipping through my fingers. 

But, the Pragmatic Part then asked, why not?

With this process of inquiry into my dreams and desires, layer by layer, I have:

• peeled away the supposed to’s that I was conditioned to accept as my own from the womb

• found and learned to explore my own whys and why-nots

• made choices that consider the juicy possibilities but also possibilities lost when I say yes (especially for my well-being)

• cultivated dreams for my life so that all parts of me feel seen and heard along the journey

It is a great privilege to have the opportunity and space to dream and an even more incredible privilege to bring your dreams into reality. 

In a culture that tells us more is better and there is a right way to do things, asking why is inconvenient for those who benefit most from these mantras. 

I’d like to encourage you to be inconvenient and ask why. 

• Your why matters and deserves to be seen, known, and realized. 

• Your why is the precious gift that you bring to this life. 

• Your why being understood and realized benefits us all. 

I want to live in a world where your why leads to your authentic, delicious possibilities coming true. 

Let’s dare to ask why when we dream, and let’s help each other make those dreams come true. 

Are you a childfree woman ready to ask why as you Dare to Dream? 

Join me this January for a small, intimate group experience for childfree women where we will support and inspire you as you dream your Delightfully Free life into existence. 

You can find all the details about the Dare to Dream 6-Week Group Offering here.

If you have any questions or would like to jump on a Zoom with me to explore joining this offering, you can schedule a time with me here.

Much love and solidarity!

Annie